yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
