I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
