Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
