This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
