i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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