I'm jealous of your bromance
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
