im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
