just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
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It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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