69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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