his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
