I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
