Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
