I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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