I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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