Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
