omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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