I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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