My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
