Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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