Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
