Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
