you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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