even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
