the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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