She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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