fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
