i can't believe i had my finger in that
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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