i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
