the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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