i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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