There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's never too late to be topless.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
