James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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