the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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