conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
