mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
