6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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