Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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