thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
