My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
