Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
