you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
