Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
