I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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