remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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