Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
