Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
