So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
