After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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