i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
