I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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