Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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