I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
