I want to stick my p in your. b.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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