If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
