The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
