are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
