Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
