Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
