you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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