Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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