there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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