According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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