Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
That's intense
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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