He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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