He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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