Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
