you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize