Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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