just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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