So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
