Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
