i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
