I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
