dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Maybe he injected his testicle?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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