He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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