i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
