Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's blow job season.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
