I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
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