batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
